I cannot ignore this trend any further. Far too many good, qualified and passionate people are stepping away from coaching (and teaching) and for the wrong reasons; THE PARENTS! It is time for me to lash about this..
"It takes a Village to raise a Child"- Chinese Proverb
Although the above citation is a proverb, a good friend of mine told me that line about ten years ago and it stayed with me ever since. You see, I teach and coach for that exact reason. NOBODY can raise a person on their own. I certainly was not raised by a single person (even though my mother was on her own). I had many people around me when I was growing up. They are the reason why I got into coaching and why teaching as a profession made so much sense. I needed to pay it forward. Why is it that it seems the people whom understand this are the minority? Accountability, responsibility, a strong understanding of right from wrong and resiliency are virtues our youths today struggle a great deal with. How else is a person suppose to learn these essential virtues if said person is not left to figure it out \ deal with adversity on their own? Why can't parents today understand that some things they can teach, and some other things they can't. Someone else must do that job and when the time comes, to support the child in his or her efforts to solve their problem. No no no, today...parents solve that problem. And the child is handicapped in his or her development.
Let me give you a perfect example of a parent that did his job (but not at the start). A few years back, I had a parent approach me to talk about my decision to suspend one of my players (my MVP and his son) for 4 consecutive games. The player violated a team rule the last game of the prior season and I gave him a choice to serve the consequence at the start of the next season or have the consequence doubled if he ever repeats it again. The player, the next season, decided that he had the entire summer to mature and that he would refrain from violating that team rule. Our first game of the year, he violates it. Boom, I give him 4 games to think about it. Harsh...maybe. A lesson to learn...most definitely. So after 2 games of the suspension (we lose both games), the father approaches me and wants to tell me that my consequence is not reasonable. My player (his son) did not approach me to have this discussion. So problem #1 right there. I sat there and listened to the parent as he tried to convince me that his son learned his lesson and that we are losing games because he is not playing. I simply replied that his son did not learn his lesson because the lesson is not done yet. He still had 2 games to go. And that I had no problems losing games if it meant that my team was being built. He then informed me that his son was thinking of quitting the team. Without any hesitation at all, I replied to him that my teams are bigger than any one individual AND if he has a quitter for a son, that is his problem, not mine. The parent should have punched me in the face. Instead though, he got up and left. That player did serve his suspension and ended being an absolute monster for us the rest of the year. Today, he is a man and is coaching as well. I am willing to bet a large amount of money that whole period in his life was massive in shaping him. I did my job and the parent did his. I presented a great deal of adversity and the parent (although initially was not serving or supporting his son) supported his son in dealing with the situation which in turn, made that individual stronger. Today, if I do the exact same thing (and I would) I am thinking the punch in the face would be the result. Parents are different today. They can't seem to make that seperation (coaching \ teaching issues versus parenting issues).
I am the father of a 4 year old and my son is learning how to skate. Not easy to do at that age (and not easy to watch either). Now I am the furthest thing from perfect in the parenting world but I do know the difference between coaching and parenting. But while I observe the 25ish adults hovering over their child from the team benches, I can't stop but shake my head. Leave your kid alone!!! You see, I'm watching from a distance in the restaurant with a nice cup coffee in my hands. Once in a while, my son will look up and wave. Of course, I wave back but I also immediately point to his coaches. His coaches are in charge, not me. Do I agree with everything they are doing to help him improve? For the most part, I do. The parts that I do not agree with, I talk with my son afterward (as we eat out routine post skate brunch) to see if what he is does not like fits with what I do not like. To me, that is parenting. If he does not bring it up, then I certainly do not as well. A parent cannot control everything that will happen in their child's life. BUT, a parent can help the child control the ways he or she deals with the things he or she cannot control. And yes, I firmly believe that can happen at a very young age.
So parents, leave the coach alone. If your kid has a problem with how he or she is being used on the team, then parent them. Guide them to problem solve. Support them in dealing with the frustrations and discouragements. It is part of the game. It is not a part of the game to tell the coach how to coach his or her team. It is not part of the game to question what the coach does. Unless the coach verbally abused on a consistent basis (key words: consistent basis- cause sometime, a little harsh wakeup call is necessary...age appropriate of course) or physically abuses, you the parent have no business saying anything to the coach other than: "Thank-you for committing yourself to my kid". Be a parent and let the coach do the coaching!
Please click on this link to read a letter to parents from Mike Matheny (former Major League Baseball catcher and current Manager of the St-:Louis Cardinals) when he was the coach of a little league team
http://www.mac-n-seitz.com/teams/mike-matheny-letter.html?ref=nf&fwcc=1&fwcl=1&fwl
